You might be thinking that getting back together after a breakup is the best idea ever.
And I know that you didn’t expect this.
You expected me to say that getting back together with your ex-girlfriend is always a good idea.
In fact, most dating coaches will tell you that.
But they don’t tell you that because they want to help you.
They tell you that because they want to tell you what you want to hear.
And right now that you are thinking about getting back together after a break up, you want to hear somebody telling you that is the right choice.
I won’t do that.
I will tell you what my experience as a dating coach has taught me about taking your ex-girlfriend back.
If you want to read what you want to hear, then please don’t continue reading this article.
But if you are ready to hear what you need to hear, then this article is for you.
Let’s jump right into it…
1. Getting back together after a breakup is a matter of respect
Does your ex-girlfriend still respect you?
That’s a painful but very important question that you must ask yourself.
A lot of times after a breakup she might still love you but she doesn’t respect you anymore.
This is especially the case if she was the one who broke up with you.
Have you ever heard a woman say the following line…
“I still love him but I’m not in love with him.”
The translation for the sentence would be…
“I still have feelings for him but I can no longer respect him as a man.”
If you get the feeling that she doesn’t respect you anymore and her behaviour shows that she doesn’t respect you, getting back together after a breakup is a terrible idea.
2. Getting back together after a breakup is impossible if cheating was the reason
Okay, maybe I should have said it’s almost impossible.
There’s always a tiny chance that it will work out.
But if one of you cheated on the other person, it’s very likely that it won’t work out.
The trust has been broken.
And it’s easy to say that you trust her again or that she trusts you again…depending on who did what.
It’s a lot harder to live this trust every day in the relationship.
I would say that getting back together after a breakup is almost impossible and almost never a good idea if there was infidelity.
3. Getting back together after a breakup requires mutual attraction
Are you still attracted to her?
Is she still attracted to you?
In case the breakup happened because one of you wasn’t really attracted to the other person anymore, there needs to be some change.
Let’s say one of you was terribly overweight and your sex life suffered a lot.
What if nothing changed?
Then there’s a high chance that your sex life will suffer again once you are back together.
Of course, an emotional connection and love are very important for a relationship, but sexual attraction can’t be ignored.
Unless there is a sexual spark, it’s just a friendship.
And then you don’t have to get back together.
4. Getting back together after a breakup requires growing together
Playing the blame game never works in your favour.
She made mistakes. You made mistakes. Now it’s time to grow.
If you think about getting back together with your ex-girlfriend, you need to be willing to grow with her and individually.
You need to grow as a person and she has to be willing to do the same.
And then you both have to be willing to grow together as a couple.
That’s how getting back together after a breakup can not only work, but it can actually lead to a wonderful relationship.
5. Getting back together after a breakup leads to drama if others are involved
Are you currently seeing someone else?
What about her?
If you are at the moment in other relationships or you are just seeing other people on a friends with benefits basis, things get complicated.
That’s the recipe for drama.
Don’t make it more complicated than it already is.
If you want to make getting back together after a breakup work, you both need to be willing to be single before you try it.
Don’t even think about starting the relationship again while you’re still seeing other people.
And if you don’t see any other woman at the moment, you have to be sure that she’s on the same page.
I mean, just imagine the following situation:
You get back together, everything is perfect and then after one year you’ll discover that she has been seeing another guy and sleeping with another guy doing your first five dates.
This will break your heart.
That’s why it’s important to make sure that you were both single before you try again.
You shouldn’t be sleeping with any other people and I would say you shouldn’t even be casually talking to other people in a potentially romantic way.
Getting back together after a breakup can only work if it’s about you and her and nobody else.
6. Getting back together after a breakup can work if you set clear boundaries
What do I mean by setting clear boundaries?
Well, there’s a reason why your relationship didn’t work out the first time. There’s always a reason.
And I’m pretty sure that you know the reason.
Now you want to make sure that history doesn’t repeat itself.
That’s why you said clear boundaries and let her know what behaviour you won’t tolerate.
Encourage her to do the same and to tell you what behaviour she won’t tolerate.
This allows you to know exactly what the other person’s boundaries are and that makes it easier for you to do it right this time.
7. Getting back together after a breakup can work if the love never ended
Do you still love her?
Does she still love you?
The answers to both of these questions have to be yes.
That’s the only way how you can make getting back together after a breakup work.
Way too many people tried to make the other person fall in love with them again because they want them back.
But that’s not how it works.
Either the love is gone or it never went away.
In case your love for her has never ended and her love for you has never ended, getting back together after your breakup can be the best decision of your life.